Help
Sign In
Panabaj Guatemala-post Hurricane Stan
June 2007 
magic
Posted on Mar 23rd, 2006
by 
Mags
Mags
magic
When someone says something, we give birth to it for a reason. Upon beginning this piece of musing, I am not yet clear of the intention. When I communicate I always ask, what is my intention? The one thing I do know is I wish to share the Love it is born out of, and so in doing so, I know that it is righteous in its intent. This is a Truth, and it's from my heart, both full and breaking at other times. There are many things I do not understand here in Peru. I don't understand why I live in a town where there is 80 percent poverty, with the richest goldmine in the world reaping gold only miles from here, and only 6 percent of these revenues returning to this city. I feel sometimes there is so little I can do for people. I want to do more. I sometimes feel selfish, caught up in my own worry and concern to gather together 300 dollars a month to live here, which is a challenge when everyone has the manana attitude toward life. I feel selfish for worrying. I feel annoyed sometimes thinking about the money I wasted in the USA once upon a time that I could have used now. I feel sad when I think of the grievances of those who are already blind with things already. I feel happy when I see a woman take the money from the project, the hope in her eyes and yet still the pain of worry that never ends. You can find me here in Peru with a smile, a peace, a concern, and a sadness related to all the sketches of simplicity and suffering that I see. I want you to know that I dont group any of us in the have or have-nots, this is not a piece of writing to put anyone in any group, or make anyone feel apologetic, for to me at the beginning and end we are all in the same group of the Human Be-ing. I just want to engage in some thought-sharing, we have so much to give and teach one another, so this is also one of the dialogic moments. I probably need it for some sense-making. Sometimes you need a little of what you know makes sense. Sure I don't understand silly little things and never will, and that is the most wonderful stuff of life I suppose. To Love when there is complete misunderstanding. I think that souls are born into this Life for a reason. I often wonder in the morning sun what my agreements were about, why did I come here and for what purpose? I can' tell you how bad I wish I knew those answers. Sometimes I feel like I am just a breath away from understanding all the world's mysteries, yet I cannot know what they are. I wonder sometimes what I am doing here, in Northern Peru in this small city full of present and poor people, wearing the same clothes basically everyday and trying to figure out different food combinations with the vegetables I buy from the market. I often remind myself of the gift of my bed and food when things get me down.
Sometimes I walk out of my door and I forget I have to change languages. Sometimes I forget to use boiled water to rinse my mouth. Sometimes when the dogs bark and random fireworks go off during sleeping hours I wonder about Peruvians acceptance of noise. Sometimes sometimes sometimes so many sometimes my mind wanders. When I forget about the Present, that makes me my own enemy more quickly than anything. The ego wanders and tells me what I could be doing, should be doing with my life, and the hole can become deep. But when we are in the quiet, spend time alone, away from so much of what we know, the noise, the schedules, the way life moves, there is time. Time. Time to get to know what I call God, Spirit, Universe. I am not sure you believe in it, and what your name for it is. But the Time and the Space are made for us to communicate with WHAT IS. This is when you learn to Trust. If I listened to my ego tapping on my back, I would have left here a long time ago. But I sure have had some deep-ass conversations with the Power that resides in this Life. When we are quieted, we have to learn to trust. To be in awe. To be humble. To be in Love and not hang with fear in its many faces. Oh dont let me convince you that I never hang with fear. There are many days I feel it ripping through me for many reasons. The Trust is in finding your way back to where Love resides. I suppose that is one intention for this sharing, you who I give these words to the ones that I love, that love me. You help bring me back to that greatest gift. So, I have asked myself many times over what I can do, what more I can do to help the people here? There are many ways I am sure I am giving to them. I suppose what I lose sight of at times is the fact that when God gets us alone, we are there to help ourselves as well. We must listen. We must ask. So I guess I have figured out I am helping myself just as much as I am helping anyone. This is a search for authentic power. Yet my ego struggles daily with artificial power. I wonder about being 31 and if I should be having a good paying job with a check and bills and goodies and cars and mortgages. That's what we learn to think power is and don't get me wrong, I think about it that way as well from time to time. BUT I KNOW IT IS NOT. When it all falls away, when our body ceases or we feel crisis in our lives, well we KNOW what we pray for. We don't ask for help in acquiring material things. We ask for those we Love to be healthy, happy, alive. I wonder why we choose the path of crisis as our way to learn things deeply. It seems it is the only thing that is guaranteed to make us stop, put our things aside, and ask for help. What is meant that crisis be so central to our lives? For so many, the awakening of themselves has had to come through loss, collapse, death. These losses are part of being human, of course. But we can choose to learn through wisdom as well, not only crisis. What I mean to say is that where I am at, you are at, we are at, is a perfect place. There is so much to learn in the places we have chosen for ourselves. We can choose to learn thru authentic power. The meaning of life is in what we GIVE. We come with nothing and we leave with nothing. Purpose is always in giving. To life is to see awe in everyday. I tell you the truth in saying there are many moments I hurt here. There are moments I don't understand a thing, I feel lonely, I wonder who I am helping...and yet I know it is this time to ask these questions that encourages me to grow. It is my desire to share them that is real. I do not question where anyone is, what they have and don't have, we all know what goes on in our own lives. It is not for me to judge. We can choose to live through authentic power by experiencing this giving. I have learned here to give even when I am freaked out by doing it. To release energy out into the world, and to trust that a space has been made then to receive other energy, without expectations of what that energy looks like. Today I walked home from yet another class that had been cancelled by my students. This meant another week without money. I left with such peace in my heart. No amount of anger or fear at these people would bring money into my pocket. Instead I breathed in the dusk air. I watched people doing their things; little children who have to sell 3 cent candies on the street all night long to eat and go to school in the morning, a woman helping her mother up from the grass hand-in-hand as they sat talking; the man preparing his hamburger stand; gray clouds covering the mountaintops like white feathers. All of these moments are the right ones for my life. The teacher is everywhere. Sometimes it looks different than we may think, but when we are ready to see it, it is everywhere. We have chosen the circumstances that surround our lives, and as such there are a myriad of understandings right before us to integrate into what we want to become, or what we don't want to become. The main thing is to become aware of what we have chosen and what there is to learn from it. I know that no matter how painful a day of mine may become, I have never been so humbled and thankful for simple things in my life. Sure I miss little things about the Home that I know, sure there are things I wish I had.but it is the people I know and love, the conversations, what they teach me and allow themselves to receive from me, this is what I miss about those I know the most. And everywhere I look, it is also possible to find and create here. The Universe is on purpose. We are on purpose. The limitations only come in what we choose to disbelieve about ourselves. Believe that you are your own miracle worker. It's all waiting there. I know the intention of this writing, just to tell you that: I believe in your ability to create magic in your own lives.
we are such women and men in the simple glow of the candlelight I think of a smile I know well it is wide with so many experiences there have been many kinds of tears in those same eyes and hearts filled with excitement and grief. the extension of a hand sharing a piece of bread the small touch of acknowledgement looking into eyes that have a story letting laughter flow to be experienced singing a song from the depths of yourself dancing alone or with others storytelling and listen to stories quenching bodies with life-giving water offering some of your food acknowledging abundance instead of gripping scarcity feeling the soft warmth of a safe place to sleep indulging in the miracle of shared thoughts feeling air fill you up and giving it back to the Earth touching another human creating your magic. Be Present. Be in Awe. Be in Giving. Con el amor de mi alma, te comparto contigo. Magdalena, Mags, Maggie
When someone says something, we give birth to it for a reason. Upon beginning this piece of musing, I am not yet clear of the intention. When I communicate I always ask, what is my intention? The one thing I do know is I wish to share the Love it is born out of, and so in doing so, I know that it is righteous in its intent. This is a Truth, and it's from my heart, both full and breaking at other times. There are many things I do not understand here in Peru. I don't understand why I live in a town where there is 80 percent poverty, with the richest goldmine in the world reaping gold only miles from here, and only 6 percent of these revenues returning to this city. I feel sometimes there is so little I can do for people. I want to do more. I sometimes feel selfish, caught up in my own worry and concern to gather together 300 dollars a month to live here, which is a challenge when everyone has the manana attitude toward life. I feel selfish for worrying. I feel annoyed sometimes thinking about the money I wasted in the USA once upon a time that I could have used now. I feel sad when I think of the grievances of those who are already blind with things already. I feel happy when I see a woman take the money from the project, the hope in her eyes and yet still the pain of worry that never ends. You can find me here in Peru with a smile, a peace, a concern, and a sadness related to all the sketches of simplicity and suffering that I see. I want you to know that I dont group any of us in the have or have-nots, this is not a piece of writing to put anyone in any group, or make anyone feel apologetic, for to me at the beginning and end we are all in the same group of the Human Be-ing. I just want to engage in some thought-sharing, we have so much to give and teach one another, so this is also one of the dialogic moments. I probably need it for some sense-making. Sometimes you need a little of what you know makes sense. Sure I don't understand silly little things and never will, and that is the most wonderful stuff of life I suppose. To Love when there is complete misunderstanding. I think that souls are born into this Life for a reason. I often wonder in the morning sun what my agreements were about, why did I come here and for what purpose? I can' tell you how bad I wish I knew those answers. Sometimes I feel like I am just a breath away from understanding all the world's mysteries, yet I cannot know what they are. I wonder sometimes what I am doing here, in Northern Peru in this small city full of present and poor people, wearing the same clothes basically everyday and trying to figure out different food combinations with the vegetables I buy from the market. I often remind myself of the gift of my bed and food when things get me down.
Sometimes I walk out of my door and I forget I have to change languages. Sometimes I forget to use boiled water to rinse my mouth. Sometimes when the dogs bark and random fireworks go off during sleeping hours I wonder about Peruvians acceptance of noise. Sometimes sometimes sometimes so many sometimes my mind wanders. When I forget about the Present, that makes me my own enemy more quickly than anything. The ego wanders and tells me what I could be doing, should be doing with my life, and the hole can become deep. But when we are in the quiet, spend time alone, away from so much of what we know, the noise, the schedules, the way life moves, there is time. Time. Time to get to know what I call God, Spirit, Universe. I am not sure you believe in it, and what your name for it is. But the Time and the Space are made for us to communicate with WHAT IS. This is when you learn to Trust. If I listened to my ego tapping on my back, I would have left here a long time ago. But I sure have had some deep-ass conversations with the Power that resides in this Life. When we are quieted, we have to learn to trust. To be in awe. To be humble. To be in Love and not hang with fear in its many faces. Oh dont let me convince you that I never hang with fear. There are many days I feel it ripping through me for many reasons. The Trust is in finding your way back to where Love resides. I suppose that is one intention for this sharing, you who I give these words to the ones that I love, that love me. You help bring me back to that greatest gift. So, I have asked myself many times over what I can do, what more I can do to help the people here? There are many ways I am sure I am giving to them. I suppose what I lose sight of at times is the fact that when God gets us alone, we are there to help ourselves as well. We must listen. We must ask. So I guess I have figured out I am helping myself just as much as I am helping anyone. This is a search for authentic power. Yet my ego struggles daily with artificial power. I wonder about being 31 and if I should be having a good paying job with a check and bills and goodies and cars and mortgages. That's what we learn to think power is and don't get me wrong, I think about it that way as well from time to time. BUT I KNOW IT IS NOT. When it all falls away, when our body ceases or we feel crisis in our lives, well we KNOW what we pray for. We don't ask for help in acquiring material things. We ask for those we Love to be healthy, happy, alive. I wonder why we choose the path of crisis as our way to learn things deeply. It seems it is the only thing that is guaranteed to make us stop, put our things aside, and ask for help. What is meant that crisis be so central to our lives? For so many, the awakening of themselves has had to come through loss, collapse, death. These losses are part of being human, of course. But we can choose to learn through wisdom as well, not only crisis. What I mean to say is that where I am at, you are at, we are at, is a perfect place. There is so much to learn in the places we have chosen for ourselves. We can choose to learn thru authentic power. The meaning of life is in what we GIVE. We come with nothing and we leave with nothing. Purpose is always in giving. To life is to see awe in everyday. I tell you the truth in saying there are many moments I hurt here. There are moments I don't understand a thing, I feel lonely, I wonder who I am helping...and yet I know it is this time to ask these questions that encourages me to grow. It is my desire to share them that is real. I do not question where anyone is, what they have and don't have, we all know what goes on in our own lives. It is not for me to judge. We can choose to live through authentic power by experiencing this giving. I have learned here to give even when I am freaked out by doing it. To release energy out into the world, and to trust that a space has been made then to receive other energy, without expectations of what that energy looks like. Today I walked home from yet another class that had been cancelled by my students. This meant another week without money. I left with such peace in my heart. No amount of anger or fear at these people would bring money into my pocket. Instead I breathed in the dusk air. I watched people doing their things; little children who have to sell 3 cent candies on the street all night long to eat and go to school in the morning, a woman helping her mother up from the grass hand-in-hand as they sat talking; the man preparing his hamburger stand; gray clouds covering the mountaintops like white feathers. All of these moments are the right ones for my life. The teacher is everywhere. Sometimes it looks different than we may think, but when we are ready to see it, it is everywhere. We have chosen the circumstances that surround our lives, and as such there are a myriad of understandings right before us to integrate into what we want to become, or what we don't want to become. The main thing is to become aware of what we have chosen and what there is to learn from it. I know that no matter how painful a day of mine may become, I have never been so humbled and thankful for simple things in my life. Sure I miss little things about the Home that I know, sure there are things I wish I had.but it is the people I know and love, the conversations, what they teach me and allow themselves to receive from me, this is what I miss about those I know the most. And everywhere I look, it is also possible to find and create here. The Universe is on purpose. We are on purpose. The limitations only come in what we choose to disbelieve about ourselves. Believe that you are your own miracle worker. It's all waiting there. I know the intention of this writing, just to tell you that: I believe in your ability to create magic in your own lives.
we are such women and men in the simple glow of the candlelight I think of a smile I know well it is wide with so many experiences there have been many kinds of tears in those same eyes and hearts filled with excitement and grief. the extension of a hand sharing a piece of bread the small touch of acknowledgement looking into eyes that have a story letting laughter flow to be experienced singing a song from the depths of yourself dancing alone or with others storytelling and listen to stories quenching bodies with life-giving water offering some of your food acknowledging abundance instead of gripping scarcity feeling the soft warmth of a safe place to sleep indulging in the miracle of shared thoughts feeling air fill you up and giving it back to the Earth touching another human creating your magic. Be Present. Be in Awe. Be in Giving. Con el amor de mi alma, te comparto contigo. Magdalena, Mags, Maggie
Access: Public
Thank you, Maggie. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are a gracious host, and every time I come and visit you at your blog, I know my mind will be satiated with your elegant, beautiful words. I am humbled by the magic you create every day in your life. I will try to remember. Thank you for sharing.
Maggie, this really touched my heart. Beautiful and inspiring!
Wow
this touched me. This and your photos.